Off The Pedestal

To the reader: The ever nearing disciples of death press meaning into life.

To myself: The key is in doing nothing and everything, at the same time.

The world is pissed off, so I'm here to make it all better.

I was always taught to do good throughout my childhood, as most of us presumably were. When the times came in my life to put this lesson to the test, I seemed to have passed every time, whilst completely failing, unknowingly. It's an undeniable irony. So much happens, yet so little, to you, upon the realization of the fact that every "good" bit of you, is lost. Lost in the meaningless pool of banter that comes out of the world.
What do you do when you go to make a peanut butter & jelly sandwich, and you put on one layer of the concoction, then realize, you don't have anymore jelly? You don't just throw away the jar of peanut butter, you go out, and you buy some fucking jelly. That's just the way things work, same with the aforementioned "realization." You may or may not realize how horrible we all are on a day to day basis, but the underlying factor is, at heart, in essence, we are all diabolical, and waiting to steal the chance to fuck everything up.
I was never so dreary, until recent events. I mean, I suppose that's how a mass amount of blogs start, is from the fire burning in someone's head, who has the strong desire to rant upon the world about the issue in your mind. The thing is, I don't like being a number, or a statistic. We all are, whether I like it or not, though. The literal definition is not removable due to a dislike.
"That's life," "Life is fucked up," or "Man life is something else" are repeated quotes from myself, on consistent basis throughout the day. I've come to realize a cycle in my thought pattern, something like:

• Thought.
• Realization of Thought.
• Action Produced by the Realization of the Thought.
• Consequence Received Due to the Action Produced by the Realization of the Thought.

So I began thinking further about it, and I've got either a mild case of OCD or ADD or something of the sort; or I've got some sort of irregularity in my thought pattern that I need to see a doctor about. Quite simply, I over-calculate anything that crosses my mind, a rather unfortunate consistency, but I'll survive.